Thursday, February 18, 2016

Procrastination and Getting to the End

Okay, so this is my problem.  I have become so caught up in checking on other peoples lives that I have completely neglected my own.  I have especially lost myself lately in the whole YouTube world.  I am watching people live their lives, while I sit around in my pajamas, or at least my most comfortable clothes.  I watch Casey Neistat, the king of productivity, bike, skateboard, run, and function with all due diligence, while I lay here watching him do it.  I watch makeup tutorials, just because I think that I will learn something I don't already know. I watch organizational videos in the hopes of becoming more organized. I watch Good Mythical morning, because it is entertaining. I watch all sorts of documentaries, because I love to learn.  I watch artists and art tutorials to try to get inspired and learn how to draw better. I watch inspirational video's from my church, because I want to continue to learn how to have faith, be a better person, and stay encouraged and motivated.  I watch writing tutorials to learn how to write better. I listen to music and watch the videos that go with them. I do everything, but what I am supposed to do...
LIVE MY OWN LIFE!
I should say at this point that I am currently awaiting back surgery to have a spine stimulator implanted to help me with my chronic pain caused by scoliosis, spinal stenosis, bulging discs in my neck, pinched SI joints, and hip dysplasia. I am doing all that I am capable of in physical therapy, but the rest of my life is consumed with pain relievers (4-6 hour and 12 hour), muscle relaxers, and other treatments I can come up with like heating pads, and ice packs.  I just had bilateral injections into my SI joints yesterday.  Now, I have injection pain too. I also use much of my day to homeschool one of my 3 children (my 21 year old helps another one, between work) and my husband helps my son. So this sort of gives me an excuse for procrastination, but I am trying very, very hard to stop that. 

I have made a goal to try to write in my blog every day to every other day.  I am trying to use what I have experienced and been through to pass on a lesson learned.  This is not my only blog.  My other one is (myonceuponatimejourney.blogspot.com).  But to me... it still feels like procrastination. 
It sucks.  I believe that I have amazing writing that deserves my attention, my effort, and my corrections, but for some reason... it feels bigger than my abilities.  
So I guess I just have to make up my mind.  Is my dream important enough to chase after? That is the big question.  The one we all have to ask ourselves. Is a dream worth fighting for?  I think it is.  I want so badly to get my work out there for others to enjoy, to escape with, to have fun with, and to dream with. So why is this so hard?
Well, I don't know... but I am making a promise to myself right now.  Tomorrow... after physical therapy... I am going to pull up my file, and start reading my novel again.  That always helps me get motivated to try again.  So if there is something your heart desires.  That dream you believe is worth fulfilling, then I want you to not find... but make some time, and do it...okay? Like the 

Nike ad says...JUST DO IT! 
I know that we can do it... if only we try.  Make a small doable goal.  Tomorrow I am going to read my first page, and see where it will take me.  Then tomorrow... I will make a goal to read some more the next day, and so on.  That's sometimes all that it takes.  I you have a dream and believe that you can do it, then just do it.  If you have something to say... then say it.  I know you can do it.  If you lack inspiration... look for it.  If it helps you to write down your goal... so that you can see it then make a vision board, write it in a diary or your daily planner, even your calender would be a start.  Just make it a goal that you know you can do.  Something it would be so simple that it would be stupid if you could did not do it.  Anything that gets you going.  We are all different... so look for ideas if you don't have any.... discover something new.... read something someone else wrote.... anything as long as it has the potential to inspire you.  I wish you luck, and I know that if we put in the effort, it will pay off.  Our dreams are not out of reach.  Whether it is poetry, comedy, tragedy, romance, horror, inspirational, your life story, history, or how too....just get started.  
Good luck you guys.  I made my goal... let's see how this goes.  Baby steps my friends.  There are so many beautiful thoughts in the world, and stories for us to tell, so much inspiration to share, and words that if put into a good structure can change the world. Have you ever had your mind opened up by something you read?  Have you ever found something that made you more aware? Do you have something worth sharing? Start at the beginning, and before you know it... you will find your ending.  We can do it. Just try.